i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My vagina is very pro this idea
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
