i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
