final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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