I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
