He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
