that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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