no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
