I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
