He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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