Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
