maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
