blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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