Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
