my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
