party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Too much gin, very little bucket
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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