I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
