The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
