He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
