Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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