i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
