They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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