im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
