theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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