I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
