YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
