is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
