My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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