i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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