i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
