There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
