She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I party with great urgency now.
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