and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
