i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
