Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
