i would punch a child for taco bell
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she told me i tasted like america
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
