I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
