If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
