I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
