Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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