I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
