OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
