how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize