How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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