So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
