Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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