i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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