Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
COCAINE IS GR8
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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