If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
