look no pants
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
