I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
