I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
