Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize