the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
