My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize