I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
