ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
