i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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