I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize