I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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