Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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