who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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