if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
