Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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