i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she peed on how many people?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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