We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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