I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
