the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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