Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
